Buri wese uri gutereta ubu afite intego yo gushaka uwo bazabana wa mufasha kugera ku ntego ngari z’ubuzima bwe aba akwiye kwibaza iki kibazo gikurikira….NDI MU RUKUNDO cg NDIKUYOBORWA N’IRARI RY’UMUBIRI? Icyo ukora cyose muri iki gihe cyo guhitamo uwo muzabana iki kibazo ukwiye kugitekerezaho cyane kandi ukwiye kugishakira igisubizo. Kwirengagiza iki kibazo bizagutera urujijo mu mubano wawe n’uwo muri guteretana mufite intego yo kubana. Kubera ko incuro nyinshi abantu babana ugasanga ntibahiriwe n’urushako usanga ari ba bantu bayobowe n’amarari atandukanye mu gihe bafataga umwanzuro wo gushaka uwo bafatanya inzira y’ubuzima.
Irari ni ugashaka ikintu kugeza ubwo ubwenge bwawe butwarwa ni icyo kintu. Ni gihe ufata ikintu wumva ko ari cyiza, ugahora ugitekerezaho kandi unakigarukaho mu ntekerezo zawe cyangwa ukumva ukwiye kugihorana cyangwa kugihora iruhande. Icyo umuntu aba afitiye irari kimugira imbata kugeza ubwo ubwenge bwe buva ku gihe. Nyirikugira irari akora uko ashoboye akagera ku byishimo bizanwa no guhaza iryo rari( self-gratification). Igihe tuvuga irari mu bijyanye n’umubano mu bantu badahuje ibitsina, irari ryasobanurwa mu buryo bukurikira: Irari ni igihe umubiri w’umuntu uwuha agaciro kanini kuruta INTEKEREZO ze (MINDSETS) cyangwa ROHO (SOUL).
URUKUNDO ni umusingi imiryango yacu ndetse na sosiyete yacu bishingiyeho. Irari ni amaranga-mutima ashobora kubyutswa mu gihe runaka binyuriye ku ngingo z’umubiri zifasha abantu kwakira amakuru aturutse mu bibakikije. Abenshi muri twe dushobora gukunda umuntu tubona ko afite umubiri mwiza bityo tugakururwa n’isura y’uwo muntu. Bitewe n’iy’impamvu, urujijo no gukomeretswa mu marangamutima bishobora kubaho mu buryo bworoshye igihe wowe cyangwa uwo murambagizanya/muteretana mwitiranyije URUKUNDO n’ IRARI hagati yanyu. Irari ry’igitsina ni ukugira ubushake bwinshi cyane bw’imibonano-mpuza bitsina bushingiye gusa ku kwishimisha binyuriye ku mubiri budafite icyo bwahindura ku mva-mutima zanyazo za nyiri kugirirwa irari. Hari umwanditsi wavuze ko , “irari rinyuranye n’urukundo nk’uko ijoro rinyuranye n’amanywa”. Impamvu ni uko urukundo ari igikorwa cy’ubushake gitwikiriwe n’imva-mutima ziherekejwe n’impuhwe n’imbaraga zo kwita kuwo ukunda. Irari ryo risunikira umuntu kwakira gusa,igihe urukundo rwo rusunikira umuntu gutanga.
Biroroshye gutekereza ko irari nta kibazo rishobora gutera bitewe n’uko riri ahantu hose ,mu ndirimbo,muri za filime,mu matangazo yamamaza,n’ahandi.Abantu bashobora gukoresha irari mu kugurisha ibicuruzwa byabo kuko irari ari imbaraga zikorana n’igice cya muntu kimufasha kwakira gusa.
Tugiye kureba ingaruka ebyiri zibabaje ziterwa n’umubano ushingiye ku irari:
1. Umubano ushingiye ku kwishimisha gukabije,atari ku kwita kuri mugenzi we.
Umwanditsi umwe yaranditse ati:“Urwango ni ikinyuranyo cy’urukundo”. Ibyo ni ukuri. Urukundo rusunikira umuntu GUTANGA, naho irari risunikira umuntu KWAKIRA. Irari rihindura abantu ababeshyi,abagambanyi,abanyamitwe kdi irari rituma abantu batenguhana hagati yabo. Ibikorwa byabo hagati yabo biba bishingiye ku mva-mutima zibasunikira kwakira gusa. Nkuko umuntu ufite imyitwarire ituma asubira mu gikorwa cya mugize imbata akora uko ashoboye ngo abone ikintu amenyereye kubona- ikintu cya mugize imbata. Urugero umuntu wabaye imbata y’ubusambanyi akora uko ashoboye agasambana. Umuntu wabaye imbata y’inzoga, akora uko ashoboye akabona inzoga. Ninako abantu bafite umubano ushingiye ku irari ry’ ikintu runaka, bakora uko bishoboka kose bakabona icyo iryo rari ribasunikira kwakira. Umuntu uwari we wese watwawe n’irari azakora uko ashoboye kugira ngo yishimishe we ubwe.
Umunsi umwe nigeze kwakira ubuhamya bwa Sara wagize ati: “Narambagije abahungu benshi batandukanye,ariko natangazwaga no kuba barambwiraga ko bankunda igihe twabaga turikumwe amaso ku maso. Icyo gihe nibwo bankundaga. Ikindi gihe nabaga nabaye umuntu wo guhohoterwa no gutabwa”. Sara yibeshye mu buryo bumwe cyangwa ubundi. Sara ati: “Abo basore batandukanye bambwiraga ko bankunda ari uko turi kumwe amaso ku maso gusa”. Sara yagombaga kuvuga ati: “abo basore barikundaga iyo twabaga turi kumwe amaso ku maso kandi icyo gihe nari igikoresho bakoresha bishimisha bo ubwabo”. Irari buri gihe ni ribi kubera ko ari igikorwa cyo kwishimisha(self-gratification) no kwirebaho ku bw’inyungu z’umuntu ku giti cye(self-centeredness). Irari ntabwo ari ikintu cyiza rwose.
2.Umubano ushingiye ku kwishimisha gukabije utuma umuntu umwe ata undi igihe nyiri gushaka kwakira/kuronka ikintu runaka atakibona ibyo yashakaga kuronka/kwakira.
Ni incuro nyinshi abakobwa bavuga ko batawe n’ abahungu bitewe n’uko batwite,bakamara igihe kinini barigendeye bakabasiga bonyine. Ibyo nabyita ko ari ugukora imibonano-mpuzabitsina hanyuma ugahita wiruka( sex and run). Nta muntu wakwishimira impanuka ibaho ibinyabiziga bikagongana noneho ikigonze kigahita cyikomereza. Ibyo bigaragaza ko uwagonze agahita yikomereza atabashije kugira icyo fasha nagito (zero responsibility) uwagonzwe. Irari rishingiye ku gitsina ryatumye habaho kwiruka cyangwa kwigendera birimo no guhunga ni ribi cyane.. Lust that causes sex-and-run is even worse. Buri gihe iyo nyiri rari atakibona ibyo ashaka kandi akaba yashyirwaho igitutu cyo kugira ishingano yuzuza, arigendera…agasiga umutima wa nyiri gutabwa wuzuye ibikomere. Gukora imibonano-mpuzabitsina hanyuma ukigendera ni bibi cyane kuko bigaragaza ubwikunde(selfishness) no kutuzuza ishingano (irresponsibility).
Samantha yaravuze ati, “Nabaye mu mimerere yo gukora imibonano-mpuzabitsina hanyuma nkatabwa incuro nyinshi. Nasohokanye n’umuhungu mu gihe cy’umwaka n’igice ariko byarangiye mbona ari uguta igihe. Natekerezaga ko nkunda uwo muhungu ariko mu by’ukuri nakunze uwo muhungu bitewe n’ubwoba bwo kuba njyenyine. Uwo muhungu yashaka umubiri wanjye gusa…Naretse kumwiha umunsi umwe ahita atangira kuca inyuma igihe kirekire.” Birantangaza cyane kubona abantu bafite umubano ushingiye ku irari uburyo banyura mu nzira zitandukanye igihe bamaze kubona ko irari ryabo ritazahazwa n’ibyo bari biteze.
Roza yagize icyo avuga ku byerekeye irari. Roza yaragize ati: ” Numvise ko umuntu adashobora kuva mu RUKUNDO,ariko umuntu ashobora kuva mu IRARI.” Uku ni ukuri gusesuye. Iyo irari ritabonye icyo rishaka ako kanya rirapfa/rirashira. Iyo nyiri rari atawe arirakaza akagira umujinya mwinshi cyane.
Lisa M. said, “Mu mezi 6 ashize nari kumwe n’umuhungu mu mubano kandi natekerezaga ko rwari urukundo. Uwo muhungu yavugaga rwose ibintu byiza birimo ubwenge kandi agakora n’ibintu byiza. Natekerezaga ko ndi mu rukundo rw’ukuri. Ariko nyuma byaje guhinduka,tukajya turwana,tukajya impaka kubijyanye n’imibonano-mpuzabitsina kubera ko we yabaga ashaka ko tuyikora kandi nkumva ntayo shaka gukora. Nagize amahirwe ntiyigeze abona icyo yashakaga. Ibyo byatumye yivumbura aragenda arasiga.Hashize igihe kirekire ndi mu rujijo bigatuma ntatekereza neza ariko amaherezo,naje gutekereza ko iyo ruza kuba ari urukundo rw’ukuri ntaba yaritaye cyane kubijyanye no kuryamana nanjye. Ahubwo yari gushimishwa gusa no kuba hafi yanjye.”
Irari ry’ibitsina ntabwo rigwa gitumo abahungu gusa,n’abagore nabo ribagwa gitumo. Bityo rero ari abakobwa n’abahungu,abagabo n’abagore bakwiye kureba kure kandi bagira imitekerereze,amagambo ndetse n’ibikorwa byiza bibafasha kwirinda irari ryangiza. Ukwiye ibyiza.Urakwiye. Ibuka ko irari ry’ibitsina ryica,ariko urukundo rutanga ubuzima.
Twese dukeneye UMUBANO urambye kandi udufasha kugira ubuzima bufite intego aho kuba waba isoko yo kugubwa gitumo n’ibintu bibi bitadufitiye umumaro (things which don’t serve us). Bityo rero dukwiye kwirinda gutangiza UMUBANO uwo ariwo wose tutabanje gutekereza neza ngo dufate UMWANZURO twitonze wo gutangiza uwo MUBANO igihe twaba tubona ko ari iby’UBWENGE kandi bikwiye.